BVN... Celebrate my Escape

So it was the 31st of October, 2015, the deadline for the Bank Verification Number ish, this BVN don already cause enough wahala, no be small o. I was woken up by loud banging on my door, for my mind I being dey think say Na Mama Nkechi my opposite room neighbour, as I buy groundnut and one cup of Garri from her last night with a promise to pay her before she closes her "glorified kiosk" for the night, but of course I knew I had no single dime to pay her. The knock on my door still persisted,

I staggered out of my mattress and headed for the door which I opened reluctantly because I was expecting Mama Nkechi to give me an early morning dose of her rants. I think she holds a masters degree, perhaps even a Doctorate degree in"Rant Science" and"Trouble Engineering", as the whole street constantly settles quarrel between her and her husband.

I opened the door and was pushed back inside as the visitor chose a forceful entry, I lost my balance, regained it, looked up, and behold it was "Toro, My Man". Toro is a very good friend of mine who has stuck with me through thick and thin. He told me to check the time, alas! It was 7.15am, he was heading to work and came by to give me the 600 naira I requested for, as I had some business to take care of in town, to be precise... In the bank. Today been the last day of the BVN registration, I had planned to go and withdraw my last money from the bank, in case I couldn't get the registration done eventually, so my precious savings of 900 naira will not be freezed. So I had plans to collect the money first, then try the BVN registration if it works. Toro gave me the 600 naira and left immediately.

I realised I needed to hurry up and get started. I took my towel, hung it around my neck, took my bucket and went to draw water at the well, then headed for the bathroom. I rushed in and rushed out, got dressed; put on a round neck on a pair of jean. As I looked at my handsome self in the mirror, something told me to dress up in suit as it might be my lucky day. I might just run into anybody who is somebody, and I won't be taken serious if I am dressed in just a round neck on a jean. So I quickly changed into something corporate; a nice shirt with tie to match, and I wore a suit on top. Damn I was looking so so so dapper. I smiled at myself in the mirror and quickly rushed out. On getting to the main entrance, Mama Nkechi who had been monitoring me all along stood there. She said; good morning Oga "Lagos Sharp Guy", and tried to ask for her money. I just ran past her and told her I was late for a business meeting. She yelled at the top of her voice; which yeye business meeting, abi you get job interview? I just cursed her in my heart... Mama Nkechi, may thunder fire you.

I stood at the bus stop and was already hatching my plans; I was paying my last personal 100 naira for the bus fair to the bank, I had 900 naira in my bank savings, I was to pay in the 600 naira Toro gave me, then withdraw the sum of 1500 naira immediately. At least it is more dignifying to withdraw 1k5 than to withdraw 9h.

A bus finally arrived, we all rushed and struggled.

As I sat and settled, someone tapped me from the back... Uncle "Lagos Sharp Guy", good morning sir. I looked over my shoulder, behold it was Rita my landlord's daughter. She hardly greets me, so I was surprised, maybe she expects me to pay her transport fare. "Rita good morning", I grumbled. This girl no go spoil my market, I won't spend beyond my

budget of 100 bucks. As I was still thinking how to escape the situation: Uncle Lagos Sharp Guy, you finally got a job abi? Congratulations sir. I smiled and said thank you, then I said in my heart: If you like, greet me 100 times, I won't pay your transport

fare, you won't tamper with my plans in Jesus Name. If you see me tomorrow, don't greet me. When the conductor asked for his money, Rita tried to talk to me again, I did not even 'give her face'. She later alighted at her school bus stop with a hard face, she didn't even look at me.

I finally got to my destination, alighted from the bus and walked across to the bank. I met a mammoth crowd already at the gate, a security personnel was giving out numbers, I asked for the last person there, a fair complexioned lady told me she was number 739, I shouted Jesus! This was just 7:55am

I meandered my way to the gate and told the security guy that I came to see the Manager. He asked me what for? And I said I want to pay in a cheque running into millions and time is not on my side, he flung the gates wide open and saluted me, he even accompanied me to the door. Yours truly, within a period of about 20 seconds, he saluted me

over a dozen times. I smiled to myself, thank God I changed into this suit as I'm already reaping its dividends. Who would have taken me serious in a round neck and a pair of jean?

I sauntered into the banking hall and picked two tellers; withdrawal and deposit. As I was filling the tellers, I heard a loud noise, I peeped through a window and saw that the just opened the gate and everybody rushed in forgetting that they already had numbers. On the deposit slip, I wrote 600 naira, on the withdrawal slip, I wrote 1500 naira. As people started to enter the banking hall, I headed straight for the counter. The gentle man said; hello sir, good morning sir. I replied him; Egbon ekaro sir (Bros, good morning sir), abeg answer me quick quick before people plenty for my back, make breeze no blow my fowl yansh open. I handed him the deposit teller with 3 pieces of 200 naira notes, he looked at me, I threw my face away. In less than 60 seconds, he handed me back the teller. I smiled and said thank you, I received it then gave him the withdrawal slip. He looked at me in a funny way, this time I looked back at him and said; bros no be my fault, you can blame the economy for it. The first person got to my back as I was receiving my withdrawal of 1500 naira. I said thank you, then told him I need one big favour from him, he asked what it was and I explained my BVN Dilemma, and told him I'll be glad if he can help me with it. He laughed and said; even if my account is freezed, I have nothing to lose, you'll just open a new account sir. I told him I won't want to go through the stress of opening a new bank account. Besides no one knows tomorrow, so he shouldn't write me off. We both laughed over it and he directed me to a certain Mr Bismike upstairs. Mr Bismike attended to me like I was a VIP, he has no idea I was worth just 1500 naira, but my suit worked wonders. In less than 20 minutes, I got my BVN sorted. I can't explain... I can't explaaaaaaaiiiiiiiinnnnnnnn.

I have made several attempts to do the BVN before then, I know people who went through hell to get theirs done, but here I am, walked in and walked out in less than 20 minutes.

I stepped out of the banking hall and walked right into the hands of the security guy who spoke with me earlier. On sighting me, he started his salutes again, I smiled, gave him a "presidential handshake", and stepped back into the streets... The hustle continues. But I am glad I escaped the BVN trauma... CELEBRATE MY ESCAPE. Lagos Sharp Guy... God bless my hustle.