Toro, My Man

It was a very beautiful, but rather sunny Sunday afternoon; Sundays are synonymous with scorching sun shines anyway, as I had always had the belief that Sunday Sun is in a class of its own, it radiates the kind of heat that is superior to other days; the kain heat Wey Sunday sun dey take pepper us, no be for here. Myself and a few of my neighbours sat in the verandah because as usual, NEPA or is it PHCN has decided to flex their muscle, they held power and the heat was so much that room temperature on this particular day soared in the range of 50degree Celsius. I just arrived from Church, beaten black and black by the blazing sun, as black and blue would have been a little kinder but it wasn't, the sun was so fierce. Sweltering, I got home and couldn't spend 2 minutes in my room, the heat in there could fry an egg. I only quickly opened my windows, took off my shirt, my pair of sneakers and trousers also, and rushed out, I removed my singlet on

my way out and was left with only my briefs as I went to find comfort at the balcony.

So here I was chilling outside, I was later joined by my opposite room neighbour, Baba Nkechi, then Baba

Shade who stays on the last room by the left, and my very friendly Hausa neighbour, Danladi who just moved into the house less than 3 months ago. We were all having a good time outside, talking about general issues when suddenly my phone rang, it was my personal person, "Toro, My Man", I picked the call and he asked where I was, I first hurled insults at him for keeping me at home yesterday (Saturday), when he said he was coming to visit me and I waited all evening in the house and this idiot of my friend refused to show up. I could have spent the evening by having a good time at the viewing center beside my house,

I could have witnessed another of Chelsea's misadventure. I mean their story still baffles me; I am perplexed, bewildered, flabber'whelmed' and over'gasted', it's completely inexplicable. I mean how can a team who were crowned Champions just last season be struggling in relegation waters the following season. Like a friend once joked; the way Chelsea are going down, they may soon discover oil. Besides someone else said Chelsea coach, Jose Mourinho now wants to be known as THE GENEROUS ONE.

By the way I heard he gave another 3 points to Stoke City, yet anotherloss for Chelsea, these are indeed trying times for the Chelsea family.

I was telling somebody that I can feel Mourinho's pain, if I had his direct mobile line, I would have personally sent him a text in just eight words, perhaps nine; "Jose, don't give up. Dry bones shall rise again". Enough of Chelsea gist so I don't digress. I hadn't insulted Toro for long before he interrupted my talk with buckets and drums of apologies. He made it clear it was no fault of his and he went further to explain that his "Big Man" Uncle,

 

who is a Senator arrived Lagos from Abuja early Saturday morning, and that changed all his plans for the weekend. Toro said he couldn't explain over the phone and he will meet me at home in 25 minutes. At exactly 23 minutes, a blue 4matic Mercedes Benz pulled up in front of us

The passenger glass slid down and the driver who was dressed like a hiphop artiste beckoned to us, like he was calling no one in particular. It was Baba Shade who spoke first; this boy must be very stupid o, so he missed his way and wants to ask for directions, does he expect us to come and meet him Ni? Then Danladi spoke; Kai, Na the froblem all dis rich MaiGida dey get, dey fiti call anybody anyhow nei? Dam burom ba... Kai. You, I mad nei? I just kept my cool and was looking at the guy in the car with his dark shades and a big dog chain dangling around his neck, wondering what this Terry G look alike might be looking for in my area.

After about 2 minutes, the guy in the car stepped out and pointed at us; Lagos Sharp Guy, I being dey call you since Na, wetin dey sup? Na me, Na me Toro, Toro your Man. I sprang to my feet immediately and pulled towards him in my Legedes Benz, my singlet now hanging on my shoulder. Toro My Man, I can't believe this, I was shinning my teeth as I walked towards him. I entered through the passenger door and sat

beside him congratulating him; Toro my Man, how far, how e be, how e take happen, God don do am? He said; no be so, God never do am o, Na my 'big man' uncle motor, shebi I tell you say the guy enter from Abuja yesterday. As he come, hin call me yesterday say make I con meet am for house, so we go waka all him movement together. Toro sighed; O boy, money good o. All dese big big men just dey chop our money

anyhow, if you see the kain enjoyment Wey your guy don chop since yesterday, no be for this world o. The kain level Wey I Neva enter for my whole life, I enter am in just two days. We go shopping, we go see some oyinbo people like that for my uncle one business, we go cinema with him small small pikin Dem, we later go greet Governor for State House; can you imagine say me Toro siddon for inside the same parlour with a whole Governor, the guy shake my hand sef. As he greet my Uncle finish, he look me, con stretch hin hand, I collect am shaperly.

By the time Wey night dey back Wey uncle talk say we go soon dey go house, I begin dey take my heart reason with God make darkness no come, make we continue our waka till forever. Lagos Sharp Guy, enjoyment sweet o, I swear. I looked at Toro and smiled; Toro my Man, you don fresh finish o, see as you don fat sef, no be like this you be for Friday Na. We laughed, then Toro told me to go dress up so we hit

town together, his uncle sent him somewhere so he just wanted to give me a treat and make me to taste some happiness. I quickly dashed in and was out again in less than 2 minutes. I told my neighbours I'll be back soon as myself and Toro drove down the street, into the evening...